Are You Secretly Destroyed By Rejection?

We don’t like to talk about disappointment. Here’s to normalizing it.

Illustration by the author.

Do you ever feel disappointed?

I mean, of course you do. You live in the world, you have hopes that things will go one way and then they go another, and then there it is! But personally, disappointment is an emotion that I usually try to smother with shame; it’s certainly not a feeling that I want to admit to anyone I’m feeling. Because if you’re disappointed, it also means you were WRONG about something — and being wrong about things isn’t culturally acceptable in the modern Western world.

If you’re a creative person, rejection is part of the deal: art is subjective, and not everyone is going to like the thing you make. You might apply for fellowships, submit your work for publication, interview for coveted jobs, ask to be considered for residencies, or publish things you worked hard on, hoping for positive reception. You might pay an application fee to show the organization that you’re serious about wanting the thing that you want. And then you might get an email subject lined “Your Application” — which is a universally bad sign. The email will thank you for your application, and it will tell you that there were an overwhelming amount of talented applicants and that the decision was very difficult. Then it…