The Lie I Told for More Than A Year To Hundreds of People

If you are putting all of your energy into taking care of other people, there is a good chance you’re out of touch with your own identity

Of course there are other Sophie Johnsons. When Facebook was first available to me, I looked all of them up and Friended them. Facebook was small at the time, so there were twelve. I browsed all the other Sophie Johnson profiles and mentally ranked them and fantasized about throwing a party where only the best Sophie Johnsons were invited.

Then the internet ballooned and there were all-of-a-sudden too many Sophie Johnsons. When I wanted to be a standup comic (did you know this about me? It was a Significant Chapter), I was irritated to learn that there were TWO OTHER Sophie Johnson standup comics. And there were lots of other Sophie Johnson writers, and most of the Sophie Johnsons seemed superior to me. I was un-Googleable, and I hated it. That’s why I added the Lucido — my beautiful middle name, which would have been my last name if it wasn’t for patriarchy.

For the most part, this worked. Standup comedy hosts (white cis men with beards) didn’t always want to say my middle name; they verbally accused me of “being extra.” But I held firm. I remember reaching out to The New Yorker, too, asking them if they would mind adding the “Lucido” to my byline. I felt terrified that someone would write back: “HOW DARE YOU ASK FOR SUCH AN…